How Long?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? – (Psalm 13:2a, NIV)

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to Your word. – (Psalm 119:28, NIV)

How much longer must I cling to this constant grief? I’ve endured this shaking of my soul. – (Psalm 13:2a, TPT)

My life’s strength melts away with grief and sadness; come and strengthen me and encourage me with Your words. – (Psalm 119:28, TPT)

 

I have set aside personal reflection for public view on the shift in schooling for quite some time, due largely in part to weight of my own sorrow. You see, not only is this the loss of concluding this school year with my students, but it is my own children’s senior year, and the second spring in a row that I have been absent from both. Last year, two weeks from now, our entire world came to a crashing halt. My mom suffered a massive stroke, and we were unsure of what the outcome would be. Immediately, my husband and I made the drive over the mountains to be with her, and I made arrangements to take a leave of absence to remain with mom, as Mark returned home to be with our kids. Mom is a fighter, and did remarkably well as my sister and I were able be with her around the clock, and after all of my years of teaching, I had plenty of leave to stay on through the majority of the remaining school year. Because mom was thriving and making gains, I did not give myself room to grieve. Now, nearly a year later, I am in an entirely different circumstance, yet in a similar space of loss. There have been moments of sorrow and grief, but I have given little time or space to ponder or process. Then, yesterday, as I returned to school for my designated twenty minutes to pick up any supplies I might need from my classroom, the weight of reality began to set in. Silent hallways and classrooms without kids running around, laughing, or talking to one another, left a hollow void in my heart.

My friend and colleague has a remarkable way with capturing in words, moments, so eloquently, and when I read what she posted on Facebook as a reflection of her twenty minutes in her classroom, I found myself fighting back the sting of tears. It took deep, intentional breaths to not fully succumb to the depth of sorrow I was feeling as I read what she had written. My own boys had been in her very first sixth grade class, and she recognized and grieved for those seniors too. There is just so much…

The beauty in the brokenness is that we are not stuck in it. God is faithful to pick us up, dust us off, and grant us fresh resolve. He does strengthen us, and today, my goal and focus is to be prepared for our launch of distance learning, come Monday morning. Additionally, today is my day to email a check-in to my art students, so that holds some hope and joy as well. In all things, God has a way of bringing beauty from ashes. I look forward to seeing how all of this season changes our neighborhood, schools, city, state, and nation for the better.

 

Hollow empty halls,

That mirror my heart;

Loss of what should be,

This season apart.

Such sorrow in loss,

Of all that could be;

Lord help us rise up,

As Your hope sets free.

Even in losses,

You can bring gains;

Beauty from ashes,

For Your love remains.

 

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You that You hold us as we wrestle through our sorrow and heaviness, and You strengthen us with resolve once again. Thank You that You truly do bring beauty from ashes, and hope from despair. Forgive us for allow ourselves to sit in our sorrow too long, or for ignoring it and allowing the weight to burden us. Teach us to place all in Your hands, so that You can walk us through it into the good that You have in store for us. Show us how to love those around us well, even though we cannot see people the way we want to right now. May many come into a lasting relationship with You, and know the comfort and peace that You alone offer. Be glorified O God, as we seek Your comfort and strength in our sorrow, and anticipate the good that lies ahead. Amen.

 

© Shannon Elizabeth Grabrick and Revelations in Writing, May 2011 – present

 

“…He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for His own glory.” – Isaiah 61:3

To Keep Keeping On

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. – (Isaiah 40:29, NIV)

He helps tired people be strong. He gives power to those without it. – (Isaiah 40:29, ERV)

He empowers the feeble and infuses the powerless with increasing strength. – (Isaiah 40:29, TPT)

 

This is the time of year that the weeks grow long and weekends seem to fly by in the blink of an eye. Weariness seeks to set in, as less daylight and cooler temperatures take a toll, with so many “need-to-dos” and seemingly fewer hours for completion. Incredibly, each time I reach the end of my own strength, God provides strength or rest or reprieve that refreshes and readies me to begin again. Yesterday, we were blessed with the opportunity to go to a hockey game with dear friends. Though the game did not go well for our team, time spent in their company was good for the soul. Today holds a quick, twenty-four-hour trip to mom’s so that we can check on things and prepare her home for freezing temperatures. We will have an added blessing of our best friends meeting up with us as well, as Leavenworth is a short, fifteen-minute drive away, and a place we will enjoy time together, while in town. God is good, and He knows what strengthens us when we are weary. May we ever seek the Lord to renew our strength and grant the power we need to accomplish all of the things to which we are called.

Mom had both physical and speech therapy yesterday. She is working hard and enjoying the therapists who come to the home and challenge her with new exercises to further propel her recovery. An additional blessing was that she slept soundly on Thursday night, which has not been the case in quite some time. For those who are faithfully praying for mom and her recovery, please add solid sleep with no wake-ups in the night, to the list. Solid sleep will aid in making mom stronger and my sister as well. Megan is juggling so many roles right now, that a good night’s sleep is always needed; hence, the more often they occur, the better she will feel and function. May His strength continue to be present when weariness creeps in.

 

When weary and worn,

The Lord grants us strength;

To keep moving on,

And traverse great lengths.

Power in weakness,

When all strength is gone;

Blessed refreshment,

To keep keeping on.

In goodness and mercy,

God lovingly gives;

All that is needed,

In His strength, to live.

 

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You that You grant us strength when we are weary and power in our weakness. Thank You that when our strength ends, Yours begins. Forgive us for the times that we have allowed ourselves to wallow in our weariness, rather than turn to You to be our strength. Teach us to trust You more, as You sustain, strengthen and refresh us to do and be all that for which we are called. Show us how to love those around us in ways that strengthen, refresh and empower. May many come into a lasting relationship with You. Be glorified O God, as we seek You to be our strength so that we can love and serve as we are called to do. Amen.

 

© Shannon Elizabeth Grabrick and Revelations in Writing, May 2011 – present

 

It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. – 2 Samuel 22:33