Submitted Struggles Supply Soil

In my previous two posts, I have found that God has been speaking to me about the soil of my heart, as I have been studying the parables presented by Jesus, that are recorded in the Gospels.  Yesterday, as I was preparing for my day, God began to show me more about the soil of my heart.  What resonated in my heart and mind, was that as we bring to Him our “stuff” – our sin, struggles, sorrow and shame – all that we need to lay at our Father’s feet, He lovingly takes.  As we hand it to Him, it dies, decomposes, and then becomes nourishment for our soil as it is laid to cover the ground.  In that place, it in turn makes way for new to break forth and grow.  Just as the farmer fertilizes the soil with waste to provide needed nutrients to the soil, so does our stuff give way to growth in the soil of our hearts.
As we let go, the lessons we learn provide the very nourishment needed to supply the soil of our hearts, so that new growth may break forth.
During the day, I at one point spoke out against someone who had caused me much pain.  Just as the words escaped my lips, conviction came to call.  Why on earth did I say such a thing?  What was even worse, is that it was the second time in less than a week, that I had said as much to another.  Normally, I am easily able to edit what escapes my lips, as I have long lived by the rule of “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”…  The flares were flying and the neon flashing, as my mind went into overdrive.  First, “oh God, please forgive me.”  Then, again I asked, “Why did these words escape my lips?”  My immediate thought was that perhaps I had not truly forgiven for the infractions forged against me.
Last evening, as I met with a dear friend, we discussed what I had done and asked for answers.  The response that returned, took me by surprise.  It was not so much out of unforgiveness, but out of the ache of the injury.  Simply hearing the name of the individual, inspired a lashing out from the bleeding wound that had been buried in the depth of my heart.  It was as if the mere mention of the name removed the scab, and caused the bleeding to begin again.  What I needed most, was to lay the ache at His feet, so that it would not just be given a bandaid, but truly be healed, as it was handed off to He who can handle it for me.
This morning, my heart feels a bit lighter, and this place of anticipation is again rising up.  There is much new knocking on the door of my heart.  I am nervous, but excited, to see and embrace all that He has for me in this season of new growth.  Mountains are being moved, and my God is making the impossible, possible.  My hope is that you too might be encouraged as you allow Him to take your “stuff” and scatter the debris to nourish the soil of your heart.
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You that You are so faithful!  Thank You that in spite of us, You move.  Please forgive us our trespasses, and help us to forgive those who trespass against us.  Teach us to trust You with our “stuff”, so that You are free to take the filth and use it to fertilize the soil of our soul.  May the yield of our crops be abundance in You, so that many others may share in the supply of Your safety and security that have been lovingly given by Your sacrifice.  You are so wonderful and worthy of all of our worship and praise!  Amen.

© Shannon Elizabeth Moreno and Revelations in Writing, May 2011 – present

12 Comments

  1. I’ve done the same a few times recently, where I blow it (or am tempted to), slowing down and asking, “why am I doing this?”. Remarkable how He will meet us in those places.

  2. Wonderful post, Shannon. It’s not easy to admit to God and others that we responded to a person in the wrong way, I confess to reacting poorly to someone who has caused me pain. Boy, does the Lord convict my heart when that happens! I love how you are looking to the Lord to guide you in your relationships. May we all remember that the process of forgiveness is essential for our emotional and spiritual growth!

  3. so painfully beautiful–that is about the place i live so much of the time…but what a wonderful God we serve who blesses us with mercy and takes that sin, allows it to die and bring forth fruit! praying for an abundant harvest!

  4. Lovely, lovely post, Shannon!

    “What I needed most, was to lay the ache at His feet, so that it would not just be given a bandaid, but truly be healed, as it was handed off to He who can handle it for me.” This resonated heavily with me. When I feel affronted, insulted, wounded, or helpless, I am one to react with a quick tongue, stemming from a volatile temper. When I examine my heart, it is the ache, deep inside me causing all the trouble — it’s that, on some level, I believe whatever that person has said or done, and I feel either weak or insecure.

    Thank you for this reminder. We are to go to him daily, if not hourly, with our struggles, sins, and hurts.

    Blessings,
    Cara

    • Thank you so much, Cara. I am so encouraged that I am not alone in this struggle. Getting to the root of the matter is not my favorite, but I am certain it will be worth the investment of time and energy in the end.
      Bless you as you draw ever nearer to Him, and allow Him to heal the hurts.
      Shannon 🙂

      • You are most definitely NOT alone. 🙂

        Thank you, Shannon. Yes, character over comfort. I must remind myself of this!

        That last little bit you said reminded me of the Mercy Me song “The Hurt and the Healer”. Have you listened to it?

  5. I LOVE this song! Thank you for the reminder, Cara! Such powerful lyrics – “Where Glory meets my suffering…” The telling of Truth through lyrics is such a lovely and lasting gift. 🙂

  6. I like the imagery here. It reminded me of a book the author gifted me with on the week of my ordination “It Came From Within.” Its a good read with life changing content. God bless you.

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