Anxiety is a funny thing that has only recently been recognized on my radar. Perhaps my many years of suppressing intense emotions created a lack of awareness of the angst that anxiety was administering. Despite denial of said dubious emotion, evidence of its existence has been around for years; I was simply blind to what it truly was.
Internal earthquakes envelop me as I lay down to sleep sometimes, causing chaos in my mind as fears of fibrillations find footing when my insides shake. Detestable dental damage caused by continuous grinding in my sleep is also symptomatic of stress that has evoked anxiety. Somehow, despite such undesirable displays, I still did not see that anxiousness was attacking me.
Over the past many months, as I have found courage to converse candidly with wise women, it has been brought to my attention that aforementioned incidents, are direct displays of anxiety in action. Since this dubious discovery was made, I have found myself challenged to give it to God, each time my heart has begun to pound to the point of pain.
In 2 Peter 5:7, I am charged with the following – “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” Ever so surprisingly, this charge was put into place again yesterday. As I was sitting in the dentist office, being prepped for my first crown, my heart began to beat like a bass drum, and my rapid rise and release of stagnant air felt as if it might strangle me. I wanted to leap out of the chair and run. Fortunately, though my thoughts may wander to impulsiveness, my logical side dominates in determining my actions. So as I lay reclined in the chair, my heart and mind called out to Him to bring His peaceful presence in the midst of this madness. In a matter of moments, as my mind meditated on my Maker, a soothing sense of His presence permeated my panicked persona. Though I was not altogether comfortable, nor was I enjoying the procedure of drilling and grinding, poking and prodding, I was able to remain calm and stay put.
As I continue to forge forward in faith and trust Him, I am all the more aware of anxiety when it appears. Each time it rises up, I must choose – sit in silence and suffer, or give it to God, and allow Him to alleviate the angst. I have no intention of allowing anxiety to cripple my courage to do as I am called to do, so today, I again choose to trust and open my heart and mind to all that He has for me.
© Shannon Elizabeth Moreno and Revelations in Writing, May 2011 – present